If you don’t have mayo, just make your own! It’s way easier to drink!
It could be time to take up cycling, but the question is, are you ready to commit to the lycra? You might look like a bellend.
Skiing is overrated, but could be a great activity for a business trip!
Try Pangolin Gin, its really nice and it provides jobs to unemployed pangolins, who’s semen would otherwise go to waste.
Fortune cookies actually taste a bit clapped, I’m sure we can all agree that nice soft, chewy chocolate chip ones are better.
It could be time for a staycation, have you considered Skegness?
A lot of different types of jam are available these days, perhaps its time for you to make your own?
It’s time for you to apply to go on Britain’s Got Talent so that you can finally meet David walliams and tell him what a c*** he is.
There is officially no right answer to the famous Smith’s song “How Soon Is Now?” But if anyone can work it out, you can!
Consider switching from your regular advent calendar this year to something a bit more “out there”, maybe one of those ones that doesn’t even have chocolate in? Fatty.
Your dad has spent the last week going to Fish and Chip shops to knock on the glass in an attempt to scare the battered sausages, you should call him.
Chives will make an appearance in the next pleasant meal that you make.
Start wearing more deodorant when you leave the house, you stink.
You will inherit a magical hat from a distant relative who may be a cat. This will lead to high jinx.
A new dawn is coming, tomorrow.
Try a new wonderful recipe today, you’re on the wrong part of the site.
Watch the Leprechaun series starring Warwick Davies to learn more about what real filmmaking is.
Have you ever considered owning a farm? If not, why not?
There has never been a better time to invest in bitcoin.
Isn’t it time you did something interesting with your life like learning the bassoon?
Do one thing every day that scares you, today you should watch The US version of Peep Show.
If you think your future is hidden within a small online biscuit then seek real life help
France is not nice this time of year or any and there’s never a worse time to go
If you haven’t listened to Slipknot recently, keep doing that
Reactivate your old neopets account if you can
Switch to drinking shandy’s and you can drink twice as much weekly
It could be time to get a cat, the mice are coming
The future looks bleak but you can always change that by learning to do a handstand if you haven't before.
A long gentleman may or may not be hiding in your attic.
The evidence suggests that Bush was involved.
Your new lucky number is 8, from now on you should attempt to do everything in portions of 8. This includes when you eat biscuits. 8 please. At least you have a good excuse now.
Portugal and Spain are very similar but Spain always gets all the credit, consider holidaying in Portugal to support them at this tough time.